Posts Tagged ‘offaly’

Trump Considering Eastern Wall to Keep Irish Out

Saturday, April 16th, 2016

(Left to Right) Unidentified Orange Object, Donald Trump.

A representative for Donald Trump has refused to deny claims that the tycoon is considering the construction of a wall on the US’s east coast, to prevent Irish immigrants from entering the country illegally. The controversial presidential-hopeful has already angered millions of immigrants, particularly those who don’t own ladders, by claiming he will build a wall along the border between Mexico and the US, to stem immigration to the US, if elected President.

The Trump camp claims that such immigrants are keeping vital in-demand careers, such as desirable positions in the fields of potato-peeling, fruit-picking, pot-washing, tyre-pumping and advanced orthodontistry, from hard-working Americans, such as the wives and ex-girlfriends of his who weren’t from the Czech Republic. His idea for a wall along the Canadian border however, has arrived several years too late, as Canadians such as Ted Cruz and Celine Dion have already moved to the US.

A wall running from upstate New York, down to Florida’s panhandle, would, he suggested, prevent Irish immigrants from landing in the US, unless of course, they decided to fly into the country, rather than arrive by boat, which could initially cause problems. Trump-supporter Sarah Palin, has suggested building another wall, along the border of Ireland and North Dakota, to prevent leprechauns from stealing American jobs at Disneyland. Palin went on to use the Great Wall of China as an example. ‘Lookee what happened there, you don’t see folks from New Zealand or Westmeath pitchin’ their wagons and climbing over the Great Wall of Chicago’.

Should the eastern wall go ahead, there are 812 construction firms battling for the contract, one from Paraguay, the rest from County Offaly.



Horace’s Story (Offaly).

Monday, September 14th, 2015

The lads on their way fishing.

We were all fishermen. Me, my brothers, my uncles, even mam would come out on the boat with us. Not Dad though. He used to think the seagulls were staring at him. Later, he developed an intense fear of being attacked by an octopus, so he stayed home, making jam all day. It was hard work, the fishing, not the jam-making, 14-hour days, six to seven days a week. Where we lived didn’t help. We were from Tullamore, County Offaly, which is in the middle of Ireland, so to get to Donegal, it was a nine-hour round trip every day. After years of this, we moved to the USA. What could go wrong for a fisherman there? The Pacific on one side, the Atlantic on the other, perfect! So, we moved somewhere that would be equally close to both oceans. Nobody told us though, that Kansas was so far from the water that some folks called it ‘The Tullamore of America’. It was a 19-hour drive to either coast. I gave up after a while. A neighbor used to give me a lift the first four miles, but then I had to hitchhike the other 1,573. Now I work in a biscuit factory, it’s alright, they let us keep the broken ones. I f**kin’ hate biscuits though”. – Horace (49) Offaly, now Kansas.