Heraldy Press

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Taoiseach Loses Phone Asks All BFFs To Text Numbers

Enda Kenny, Ireland’s only Taoiseach (Prime Minister), is reported to have lost his cellphone, and is urging all his BFFs (Best Friends Forever) to text him their numbers, so he can go on with BAU (Business As Usual). Mr. Kenny, leader of the Fine Gael party for ages now, is thought to have mislaid his…

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Irish Lad Fails ‘Expendables 4’ Audition

Hugh Grant, Chevy Chase and the lads. A young Irish actor has returned from Hollywood disappointed, after failing to land a role in the upcoming ‘Expendables 4’ movie. Dinny ‘Dinnie’ Longshanks (61) from Tullamore, County Offaly, was in L.A. for four grueling hours of auditions, where he had hoped to star in the film alongside…

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Irish Lad Paired with Korean Leader for Dancing Show

A famous dictaphone, yesterday. A young dancer from Ireland has failed to mask his disappointment, having been paired with a rather surprising entrant for the next series of ‘Dancing With The Stars’. Dessie ‘Desmond’ Hennessy (61), from north Mayo, hence the unusual spelling of his name (though spelled ‘Dessie’, it’s actually pronounced ‘Steve’), has battled…

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Dublin Priest Aims to be First Irish Pope

  A recently-promoted clergyman from County Dublin has gone public with his ambitions, declaring that within the next 45 years, he will be crowned Pope. Father Diarmuid Fitzgibbon-Lopez, a 17-year veteran with the order of Jesuit Brothers in Lucan, made the claim last Thursday to a group of rowdy onlookers as he was on his…

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