Heraldy Press

0

Chasing Stars

I wonder does she, See the same moon as me, As she watches from where she is now. Didn’t make it this far, Never followed our star, But I still think of if, why and how. Are there streams, hills and trees, Skipping ropes and scraped knees, Puppies, with whom she could play. Is there…

Continue Reading

0

Don’t Grow Up Yet

Don’t Grow Up Yet Don’t grow up yet, there’s too much to do. There’s coloring, bath-times, trips to the zoo, There’s bike-riding, goalscoring, things I can teach, Places we’ll go where we walk on the beach. Don’t grow up yet, there’s lots on our list, Bowling and kite-flying, things that we’ve missed, Places I’ll take…

Continue Reading

0

English Fans Vote to Leave Euros in Fear of Embarrassing Penalty Shootout Loss

Fans of the England football team have voted to leave the European Championships, in fear of losing out yet again in a penalty-kick shootout. So far, over 27 supporters have left France for Doncaster, Rotherham, Hull and Sunderland, with another 9,000 to join them, once they are released from French prisons. The players will follow…

Continue Reading

0

Trump Considering Eastern Wall to Keep Irish Out

A representative for Donald Trump has refused to deny claims that the tycoon is considering the construction of a wall on the US’s east coast, to prevent Irish immigrants from entering the country illegally. The controversial presidential-hopeful has already angered millions of immigrants, particularly those who don’t own ladders, by claiming he will build a…

Continue Reading

0

NYC’s Museum of Modern Art Seeks Lucan’s ‘Garbage Artists’ for Display

In what has been described as a surprising move in the arts world, New York City’s Museum of Modern Art could soon be including among its display, a work by an unknown, but highly-regarded artist from County Dublin. In recent days, a four-dimensional piece, provisionally titled, according to a representative for the mysterious sculptor; ‘Chillin’…

Continue Reading

0

Tiffany from Eastenders to Buy Foxhunter Site

Following the recent news that consumer giant Avoca would not be opening a retail outlet in Lucan, it has been rumored that another illustrious name may be interested in investing in the site. Martine McCutcheon, the actress who played Tiffany Mitchell on BBC soap opera ‘Eastenders’, is said to be expanding her agricultural machinery empire,…

Continue Reading

0

RTE Stars to Strike for Luas-Style Wages

RTE stars Joe Duffy and Ryan Tubridy are reportedly planning to strike, unless their wages are raised to the level of the Luas tram workers. A spokesperson for the broadcasters, has confirmed that neither they, nor Miriam O’Callaghan, Pat Kenny or Marian Finucane, will work Easter Sunday, Christmas Day or the first day of the…

Continue Reading

2

Lucan Hands Back Rights to McGregor

An Irish town has withdrawn its claim for Conor McGregor, after the former champ’s recent round of ‘bollock-acting’. Officials from Lucan, County Dublin have claimed that they would consider selling McGregor-related bragging rights back to Crumlin, should the glory days not return by next Tuesday. His recent messing has left Lucan scrambling for a new…

Continue Reading

0

Sarah Palin Reaches Out To New Irish Party

Conservatives on both sides of the Atlantic rejoiced over the weekend, after American right-wing icon Sarah Palin (pictured on left) attempted to contact her alleged Irish counterpart, Lucinda Creighton (right), in a bid to wish Miss Creighton luck in the Irish General Election. The plan was in vain however, as Mrs. Palin, despite being a ‘really…

Continue Reading

0

Irishwoman Braces for Arctic Circle’s Worst Snowstorm Since This Morning

An Irishwoman living in the village of Ernsk, a small hamlet just meters from the magnetic North Pole, is preparing herself for the area’s worst snowstorm since earlier this afternoon. Olivia Hannon (that’s not her in the accompanying photo, it’s some other lady having an oul’ laugh in the snow), an 84-year-old native of County Longford,…

Continue Reading

1 2 3 8