Denis O’Brien’s Young ‘Relatives’ Can’t Wait for Confirmation/Holy Communion Day


Denis ‘Denis’ O’Brien

A representative for the young (alleged) nieces and nephews of Ireland’s richest man, Denis O’Brien, has claimed that his clients can not wait for their respective confirmations and communions, as they’re sure to: ‘Make a bleedin’ mint’.

Sir Clive Benson (not her real name) a semi-qualified lawyer acting on behalf of the ‘We’re Related to Denis, So We Are’ group, a semi-state body representing 862 individuals who claim/hope to be distantly related to Mr. O’Brien, has stated that once it is proved that they are related to the media tycoon, will gladly claim what is owed to them, once their respective Holy Confirmations and First Holy Communions come around.

The two religious events, among the most important milestones in a Catholic’s life, alongside; baptism, confession, Noah’s Ark, marriage, maintenance payments, guilt trips and death, are frequently associated with the visiting to the homes of relatives, where it is customary for aunts, uncles, grandparents, ‘special uncles’ and family friends to financially assist their young visitors on their passageway to sainthood.

Mr. O’Brien, who has a controlling interest in a number of Irish industries and is also rumored to be a part-owner of County Wexford, has been a controversial figure in recent weeks, having had his business empire closely scrutinized by the world’s media, and by some lad who used to direct videos for Irish folk music act, Foster & Allen. With First Holy Communion and Confirmation season now just minutes away, it’s reckoned that Mr. O’Brien’s finances could well be hit hard to the tune of hundreds of Euro, if not more, and his position near the peak of County Westmeath’s Stock Exchange could well be in peril.

Words by Bosco Coppell, Picture loaned by Philomena’s Brital Wear and Fishing Tackle. 


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