Heraldy Press

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Irishwoman Braces for Arctic Circle’s Worst Snowstorm Since This Morning

An Irishwoman living in the village of Ernsk, a small hamlet just meters from the magnetic North Pole, is preparing herself for the area’s worst snowstorm since earlier this afternoon. Olivia Hannon (that’s not her in the accompanying photo, it’s some other lady having an oul’ laugh in the snow), an 84-year-old native of County Longford,…

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Owner of ‘Burton Boat’ Denies Any ‘Bollock-Acting’.

The owner of ‘The Tainted Gibbon’, the sailing vessel which occasional politician Joan Burton fell from on Tuesday last, has denied any wrongdoing,and claimed that any damage must be paid for by the Irish Government, or, as he was quoted himself; ‘By yer one what broke me boat by fallin’ inteh the oul’ water’. Dessie…

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Guy Who Got Into Metal Two Weeks Ago Distraught as Lenny from Radiohead Dies

A self-described ‘metal head’ from County Longford is said to be in mourning, following the tragic passing of rock icon Lenny, from Radiohead. Declan Flavin (29), with an address that made little sense to the trained eye, claimed to have over 40 hard rock songs on his iPod, and when his brother gives him back…

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Karen’s Story – Missouri, formerly Westmeath.

“I always wanted to be a writer, I found it a very glamorous occupation. You know, like Ernest Hemingway, or James Joyce, or the lady in ‘Murder She Wrote’. So, after I finished school, I got a job with our local parish newsletter. Admittedly, it was hardly the New York Times, or the Westmeath Express,…

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The Boy on the Beach.

The Boy on the Beach No soldiers, no football, no dinosaurs too, No trains, cars or airplanes, or fun he was due, The love and the laughter, the dreams and the joy, All now but memories of that gorgeous boy The child on the beach, remembered in song, Once loved, now a symbol of all…

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Things Not to Say to an Irish Bartender in NYC (and the responses you might receive). Part 1.

1) Are you trying to get me drunk? Yes, I am, because you’re an elderly man with bits of yesterday’s soup, at least I hope it’s just soup, in his beard, and I desperately want to touch your bum. 2) Duuuuude!!!! I’m Irish too yo! Maybe one of your grandparents were, and they’d be so proud…

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Tea Party Angered at Study’s Intelligence Findings

Representatives from America’s political movement, The Tea Party, are said to be furious, after a recent study found that its members ranked close to the bottom of a league table with regards to intelligence levels in political circles. The report, carried out by 27 institutes of higher learning in the US, New Zealand, Malaysia, Denmark,…

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196 Towns Claim to be Conor McGregor’s Birthplace.

Almost 200 Irish towns and villages have attempted to claim to be UFC champion Conor McGregor’s birthplace. Of those, 192 have considered legal action, with two (Enniscorthy, County Wexford and Tullamore, we’re not sure what county that’s in, but we think it’s one of the ones in the middle) even going to the High Court,…

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196 Towns Claim to be Conor McGregor’s Birthplace

Almost 200 Irish towns and villages have attempted to claim to be UFC champion Conor McGregor’s birthplace. Of those, 192 have considered legal action, with two (Enniscorthy, County Wexford and Tullamore, we’re not sure what county that’s in, but we think it’s one of the ones in the middle) even going as far as the…

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Lucan Accent Voted 4th Sexiest in Leinster

A survey, which polled 27,000 households across Connaught, has determined the Lucan accent to be one of the ‘sexiest’ in Leinster. The poll was conducted by the European Union, to encourage a healthy relationship between the two sides of Ireland’s political divide in time for the July 12th Orange parades. Officials may have misunderstood Ireland’s…

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