Will this be the day, when he pulls his hand away, And decides to walk on like a man. No longer a baby, nor a toddler but maybe, I’ll hold on as long as I can. With the passing of…
Author: Michael Fitzpatrick
English Fans Vote to Leave Euros in Fear of Embarrassing Penalty Shootout Loss
Fans of the England football team have voted to leave the European Championships, in fear of losing out yet again in a penalty-kick shootout. So far, over 27 supporters have left France for Doncaster, Rotherham, Hull and Sunderland, with another…
Orlando 5-0
A man, and another, a song, a dancefloor. A man, and his lover, a gunshot, a roar. A man, he’s a brother, a nephew, a friend. A man, of a mother, not his time to end. It’s senseless, it’s ludicrous,…
Trump Considering Eastern Wall to Keep Irish Out
A representative for Donald Trump has refused to deny claims that the tycoon is considering the construction of a wall on the US’s east coast, to prevent Irish immigrants from entering the country illegally. The controversial presidential-hopeful has already angered…
NYC’s Museum of Modern Art Seeks Lucan’s ‘Garbage Artists’ for Display
In what has been described as a surprising move in the arts world, New York City’s Museum of Modern Art could soon be including among its display, a work by an unknown, but highly-regarded artist from County Dublin. In recent…
Tiffany from Eastenders to Buy Foxhunter Site
Following the recent news that consumer giant Avoca would not be opening a retail outlet in Lucan, it has been rumored that another illustrious name may be interested in investing in the site. Martine McCutcheon, the actress who played Tiffany…
RTE Stars to Strike for Luas-Style Wages
RTE stars Joe Duffy and Ryan Tubridy are reportedly planning to strike, unless their wages are raised to the level of the Luas tram workers. A spokesperson for the broadcasters, has confirmed that neither they, nor Miriam O’Callaghan, Pat Kenny…
Lucan Hands Back Rights to McGregor
An Irish town has withdrawn its claim for Conor McGregor, after the former champ’s recent round of ‘bollock-acting’. Officials from Lucan, County Dublin have claimed that they would consider selling McGregor-related bragging rights back to Crumlin, should the glory days…
Sarah Palin Reaches Out To New Irish Party
Conservatives on both sides of the Atlantic rejoiced over the weekend, after American right-wing icon Sarah Palin (pictured on left) attempted to contact her alleged Irish counterpart, Lucinda Creighton (right), in a bid to wish Miss Creighton luck in the Irish…
Humans of Lucan 1 (Marian’s story)
“I’ve fond memories of Lucan. We moved there in ’62, from Sligo’s mainland, and stayed until 1976, when we relocated to Enniscorthy, which sounds glamorous, being just a four-hour walk to the beach, but Lucan remains my spiritual home. I…